Requiem of the Goddess
by Yoshiyuki Ly
Summary: Light/Fang; The future is unprotected. The Warrior Goddess has the power to manipulate the souls of the living and departed, to build the shield the future needs to survive the inevitable. The Burden of the Beast grants the power to wield those souls. Infinite variables, compressed to crystal, must travel to Valhalla, to become the mass for Etro's funeral. A successor must follow.
1. Overture

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Final Fantasy XIII-2. With that out of the way, please review and tell me what you think.

—

Overture; Promise to the Future: Valhalla

"_Oerba…Yun…Fang… She who bears the burden of the beast…untamable chaos…the one with the will to guide a world unto oblivion. __Embrace thy fate, thine home to burn. That fallen souls might bear our plea. To hasten the Divine's return. O piteous wanderer, Ragnarok. Make of this day a brave epoch. Deliver the Divine, Ragnarok. _

_"But first: what do you make of this life before your eyes?"_

Fog split, mists bent, darkness dissolved, and a path opened to a white abyss. I walked forward, head high like always.

So many copies; imitations of Lightning stood there, blocking my path. And yet they were all different, unique in their own way. One of them had civilian clothes on, another looked like a hardass military officer. What stood out to me most was how most of them looked like a knight in shining armor. None of them felt like the Lightning I knew. None of them even had her clothes. Every single one of them regarded me as if I were a stranger. They made me feel empty.

So many possibilities. I always wanted to get to know Lightning better, to know all of her; to ask what she would've done if we'd never met. To ask what she thought she might've done differently if she ever had the chance. I wanted to know what other life dreams she had, outside of the military...what she would've done if she hadn't lost her parents, if she hadn't had to grow up at such a young age. To learn if...if she'd have been happier if I never existed, if I never became a l'Cie and ruined her and her sister's lives.

All of those answers stood before me, but I knew they weren't real. With that knowledge, I started to see crests and spirals of golden darkness around them, like snakes, vipers; constricting. A selfish thought consumed me: it was possible that one of these alternatives could be the answer to my prayers. As I walked toward one at random, one of the knights, I felt sick with myself. Reality is reality. It's pointless to want anything more or anything less than that. It ain't real.

As if in another dimension, far beyond the restrictions of the Seen World, this place haunted me; put a dent in my stride. The dent dipped to a slip and I felt myself falling through this gravity of despair. The shock from the slope out of my control jolted my core as I fell, free from the shackles of time. A silver sea washed along the shores before me; I turned, and saw a spiral the same hue as my eyes. Inside it, a bell chimed in time with my fall as I turned face-down, arms spread to control my momentum.

I landed on the pearly surface of what looked like a temple overseeing this world. A lifeless metropolis spanned before me, stretching out the more I tried to contain it all in my vision. As I entered the temple, I felt the call of monsters in this place, waiting to be summoned by their masters.

But as I walked along more, and saw what was before me, I felt my purpose falter. My confidence and fearlessness with being in such a place, not knowing what was going to happen or where it would lead me…

Inside my crystal prison, I prayed for a miracle. For a way to live again, without the chains of my scorched brand still on my shoulder. The best way I knew how to live was with the passion that burned me from that crystal. That passion was the very same I felt in that moment…standing there…seeing her again.

Bowed down before an empty throne, wearing that getup that made her look like a Knight Goddess from the countless stories I'd heard about them.

"Lightning…"

The shifting of her armor scratched against the floor, and the whispery touch of her feathers kissed away the imperfection left. She stood to face me.

"Fang," she said, lighter than I remembered her voice being. "I knew you'd come."

The way she said it, so mechanical—it made my insides crumble, and turn to ash. Her face, so beautiful, so… I didn't know. Something was missing and it made me right upset. This couldn't have been the Lightning I knew, the Lightning I…

"The balance of chaos in the world is at risk," she continued, taking steps toward me. I clenched my fists. "Someone's trying to take advantage of my charge," she went on, nearing me, closer… "If he kills the dying goddess, there's no telling what kind of damage he'll do." My blood pressure rose, in anger, with myself. All that hope I had… "Caius Ballad _must _be stopped."

And she didn't even give a damn about why I was _really _here.

The light shining through from above caressed her face in ways that made me seethe.

As she stood in front of me, I felt her getting closer still. One moment, she was an arm's length away; the next, I felt her breath over my lips. My jaw trembled. I held myself back, waiting; wanting. I learned my lesson during our journey. If I wanted to speak with Lightning, I had to wait until _she _felt like talking to me. If I wanted to just be around her, I had to wait for her to come over to me. Any time I tried to make the first move and express myself, her disinterest stung. _Deep._

So I waited, waited…and waited for her to read my heart and shut me down in the worst of ways.

Lightning held my face in her gloved hand. "From Valhalla, I can see everything," she told me, softer, sweeter in such a way that made me curve my head into her touch. "I know why you prayed to leave crystal stasis. Vanille didn't want to go, so it was up to you to fulfill her wish as well. And I also know one other thing…"

She paused, hesitating. I sensed she was troubled all of a sudden. That edge to her eyes I remembered—it returned. I scowled back at her, pressing my hand over hers. "You don't have to say it," I said. "I guess I messed up. Made a stupid, worthless prayer that won't amount to nothin'. You got your thing goin' here. I don't know what I was thinkin'."

"You shouldn't think like that," she breathed, moving even closer to me. "I know you weren't praying to Etro." Her scowl stayed, my resolve frayed. "You prayed to me for years if we're going by time in the real world. The goddess didn't have the strength to heed your wishes. This is something I did on my own, because I believe in you."

I sighed, shaking my head at her. "What the hell do you believe in?" I asked. "You're talkin' in riddles, Light. Chaos, Etro, Valhalla? That's the stuff of…"

"Dreams," Lightning finished for me. "And stories, fairy tales…things the adults in your age told you when you were a child so you'd have something to believe in." Lightning held my face with both hands. She ran her fingers through my hair, looking at me with a loving adoration so unlike her. It made me…_believe. _"I need you to do something for me. Etro is dying…and the future in the real world is in danger of collapsing. I can't leave this place…not yet. Not until I've accomplished what I set out to do." The spell she cast nearly made me subservient to her until she said: "I need you to leave in my stead, and do me a favor while you're out."

When you feel enough, the world around you is distorted for you and you alone. If you could ever feel more than that, the world would change for everyone else, too.

Valhalla tricked me: I heard a far-off explosion, and the gathering of monsters.

"Don't you know Etro's a wicked goddess?" I spat, making her let go of me. She was too busy looking around, drawing her blade. "You'll serve any cause so long as it makes you forget your own damn problems. You served in a PSICOM division. PSICOM was corrupt!" The temple shook in time with the fluctuations of my emotions; Lightning knew it. She stared at me, lowering her sword. "I remember the stories the elders told us back in my village. How Etro created us in the image of her own weakness. She killed herself to make us! And you think that's divine? She's the one who made us so damn twisted...givin' us the possibility to be happy, only to die in the end...and for what?"

Lightning faced me properly. The look in her eyes told me I offended her. "You have an alternative?" she asked. "Do you know of something better I can do with my time, other than prevent the end of mankind?" She raised her voice; "The world?" I folded my arms and stared right back at her no matter how much it stung. "The goddess is dying, Fang. Without her, you wouldn't even be here. I wouldn't be here. We'd be nothing but chaos, and darkness."

"And anger," I added. Lightning looked away from me. I went over to her; didn't dare touch her. And yet I did dare to tell her: "Without you, I'm already nothin' but anger." Her sight shot back to me, edged with defiance, disbelief. "If this is the end as you say it is, and I'm in a position to stop it, I figure I might as well be straight up with you." Another tremble of the temple, and Lightning didn't even react. She kept staring at me. "If you can see everything from here, that tells me you already knew. Right?"

Lightning pressed a hand over her heart, turning away from me. She knelt down before the empty, crystal throne; lowered her head. Nothing changed; my presence meant nothing. She was right back to how she was when I first got here.

"I need you to do something for me," she repeated. I took a few steps toward her. "Sit on the throne," she instructed, sounding softer. I leaped over the small chasm to get there. I did as I was told, and crossed my legs with Kain's Lance resting over my lap. I raised an eyebrow at Lightning, wondering if maybe she was...

_The goddess is dying._

_Relieve her of her pain._

_She also needs a successor._

_And a mass, a legion, for her funeral._

"This feels...like a dream," Lightning said. "Like the dreams I had about you before I arrived here, during our journey together. They were like a prophecy of this moment. I've seen this before. I couldn't accept it at the time, which was why I treated you the way I did. And maybe I still can't." She had her eyes closed, but she must've felt the shock in my expression; the way my heart slowed down as I felt her essence slip inside my mind. "If you're going to be honest, it's only fair that I should be as well. I haven't been. I've tried to avoid it. It's just like you said: I'll serve anything if it helps me to forget my own problems."

"Lightning...what aren't you tellin' me? You're talkin' in riddles again."

"I am the goddess's legacy," she went on. "Her last hopes run through my veins, nourish me, and allow me to keep fighting no matter how bleak things seem. And whenever despair threatens to overwhelm me, I think of Serah, how I'd give anything to create a new world for her, one where she never had to suffer the way she does now. I know she misses me. She misses Snow; he's out looking for me. I think of our friends, our family, and what Caius is doing to ensure that our happiness can never be. All for the sake of his dreams, his drive. I need that. I don't have it." She looked up at me, finally, filling me with that hope I had during my prayers all over again. "But you do, Fang. You have the potential to become greater than him. Though he's had centuries to reach where he is now, time is irrelevant. I know you'll find a way."

"A way to do what?" I asked. She closed her eyes and bowed her head again; and again, I felt her essence, stronger than last time.

"To fulfill your dreams," she answered. "All of your dreams can come true. And when they do, his dreams will be destroyed. Caius will be no more. I want you to find a way to do that. We can't defeat him conventionally. All I can do is give you time, however irrelevant it is at this point." Lightning stood, leaving me breathless from the way she smiled at me. She couldn't have known what my dreams were. Not really. "Go to Serah. I can't leave this place, but she will be the arrow that guides you through time. I can't give you a tutorial on how to do this. A young man will arrive after you, in her time, and show you the way." She held out a colorful crossbow made of crystal. "And be sure to give this to Serah."

As soon as she said that, a cloud of sparkling energy appeared in front of me. It swirled and spiralled, until it turned into a white, fluffy little thing that said, "Kupo!" in the cutest way. A moogle floated over my head, descending in my lap with his bobble down like he was tired all of a sudden. "What's wrong with him?" I asked, holding him in my arms. "Is he alright?"

"Mog's just tired," she confirmed, right as Mog fell asleep. "When he arrived here not too long ago, he thought he could challenge me in battle. In Valhalla, the weak serve the strong. I defeated him, and now he serves me. Whenever you lose your way, he can help guide you. Think of him as a good luck charm." Before I could ask if she really, really knew what my dreams were, she told me, "The timelines are distorted, Fang. Mog is an expert wanderer, just like you. Travel through time to fulfill your dreams. Stop at nothing to make them come true. Once Caius sees his plan is in danger of failing, he'll counter-attack. I'll continue to fight him here. When you get the chance, return here and visit me. You'll be able to tell if you're...making progress."


	2. Wish: New Bodhum 3 AF

**Note: **Sorry about the long wait…life happened, blah, blah, blah. If you notice a change in style, or expression…there is a six month gap between when I started and picked this chapter up again. The continuation starts at '_Like pouring water back down the well'._

—

_The first time I saw Lightning in Palumpolum, she was nothing special to me then. I wanted to think she was weird, dressed like that, wearing that head of hair—and that color—but I wasn't so used to Cocoon folks yet. Hell, I must've looked outrageous to her, so I didn't think much of it. She followed my lead and her conversation never bored me on the way to Hope's apartment. I respected her way with her weapon of choice, and commended her for watching my back so well even though she barely knew me. _

_Her style…it fit me. When I talked, she listened. When I asked a question, she usually answered with sarcasm that I knew how to read. When I took damage, she healed me not half a second later. When I protected her, she stayed alive…_

_After spending time with her, heaving and sweating next to one another, giving our all to see Hope home, I understood. I didn't know half of what was really going on with this group—all I knew was that they were l'Cie because of me, so they might've been able to help me find Vanille. And when we got to Hope's place, when I sat with Lightning at Snow's side while he lay in bed asleep, I heard Vanille's voice telling me I should be a little nicer and get to know Lightning some more. I rubbed my jaw at that, still feeling a little sore from the grooves from Lightning's glove. From how I didn't give a care about looking at her brand, Lightning must've already known I was a chill person, that I wasn't one to get caught up with formalities and the like. _

_So I said to her, "You look guilty about somethin'." She kept turning over that survival knife in her hands, like she was using it to think out loud. "Anythin' I should know about? You keep fidgeting with that knife next to me without sayin' nothin' and I might have to wrestle the information out of you."_

_Lightning kept doing what she was doing for a moment, like she didn't hear me. "I didn't realize how reckless I've been," she said: somber, slow. The light from the lamp nearby softened everything about her as her words sunk in. "He felt so much hatred…and all I did was encourage him with my own negativity. I...never thought that I could ever influence anyone, especially not like that. I must be so self-centered."_

_It must have been one hell of an epiphany for her to share with me—we'd only known each other a few hours. And those hours multiplied in that moment when I saw her softness, how she questioned herself. This tough soldier who backhanded me not too long ago actually had a vulnerable side…and she showed it to me of all people. I imagined she didn't have too many friends, people she could talk to…_

_I took the knife from her hands. The confusion in her eyes hit a soft spot in me that not even Vanille had been able to reach. "Light," I said, remembering her smooth tone when she first told me to call her that, "Let me hold onto this, yeah? It brings up too many bad memories for you." I put it in my satchel. "'Sides, I don't like you bein' all sad. We've got more important things t'worry about now. Chin up, soldier."_

_When she wouldn't do as she was told, my hand that had just been on the cold of her knife reached out and lifted her chin. She flinched, at the cold I guessed, not necessarily at my touch. I didn't linger longer than I needed to—it was a quick lift, one that didn't quite work anyway. Her face fell again when something flashed behind her eyes. I couldn't tell what it was at the time. I didn't even have time to decipher it. She got distracted by Snow's stirring, I left the room for them to talk; didn't think much of it at the time._

_That was the thing about Lightning—just when I thought she was letting me in, she'd go back into her shell and close it shut. I never expected her to stop doing that, or to fully let me in, or to keep shutting me out. I was there for her, always. No matter her mood, no matter how banged up she'd gotten in the fight before, I was there. If she needed space, I gave it to her. If she needed someone to talk to, I was around. Eventually I even took to being her personal medic once I got better with healing magic. Vanille didn't say nothing about it…not at first._

Now as I lay here on this shore of sand, with its gentle waves tucking beneath me to sooth my pain, I remembered all the times I thought back on that night in Hope's apartment. I saw a sunset somewhere in the sky, painting the clouds with its radiance; quite the opposite color of what I feel inside. Yet if that was the color of a dying sky, who was I to say that a dying heart couldn't look the same? I'd never seen what my insides looked like. I had to ask Lightning the next time I saw her.

I thought back to that night, wishing I knew then what I felt today. I wished I'd taken her to another room and seduced her. I wish I'd _noticed _her then, instead of only seeing her as a teammate, as someone who wanted the same, simple goals I had at the time. Seeing my Focus through to its completion felt leagues beneath this daunt I felt at the possibilities I dared myself to want to fulfill.

My stomach turned on itself when I thought of Lightning. It seared for a moment like it always did, feeling like a match trying to light itself against glass for all it knew. She sent me here, wherever I was, and told me to make my dreams come true, probably knowing full well what those were. In Valhalla, the weak served the strong…and this wasn't Valhalla, but I'd be damned if I didn't feel her influence, even from here. I knew she was stronger than me, no matter what she said.

I felt my hair sag with water weight, and it made me think back to Lightning's roots. She said she was from a place called Bodhum, a seaside city on Cocoon… I edged my heavy eyes to the left and saw what was left of Cocoon in the shimmering sky. It looked like a giant crystal monument, causing its own little eclipse in the sky for blocking off so much light.

Etro, I would pray even to you, you wicked Goddess of Death, to give me the strength to get up and do what I need to do. I had to find Serah, and give her this—this crossbow in my limp hand. Mog must have been as drained as I was if he turned into that thing again… Then we had to wait for a young man to find us, and he'd tell us where to go. Right…now if I could just get up from here…

"_I used to stand on the dock by Lebreau's café, thinking… Am I the only me? Are there others out there who called themselves Lightning Farron, but for different reasons? Did they look the same as me? I would wonder if their combined despair crippled me, or if it was only my own weakness making me fail."_

I saw a wooden dock not too far away from me. Lightning's back-and-forth behavior with me made me inactive again, kept me lying here with no purpose but to stay.

Damn, I really needed Vanille to talk to…I had to find her, too. She was part of my dream. And Lightning…Serah…

I heard a pair of footsteps running toward me, kicking up sand in their wake. "Oh my goodness! Are you okay?" said a voice, breaking in her concern for me. I felt her hands on my shoulder as she knelt down behind me. "Wait a minute…that tattoo…" She had no shame, and started running a hand over it. I gave her a sidelong glance. That hair, those eyes… "I've seen you in my dreams before…back when I was in crystal stasis, and even just this morning. You were with Lightning and the others, weren't you?"

"You must be Serah," I said, labored, as I handed her the crossbow. She nodded in wonder at me as she took it, looking nothing like her sister all of a sudden. "This is for you—it's from your sister. I was just with her…she told me to come find you." I rolled over onto my back to sigh at the sky, not realizing I'd started lying on her lap. "The name's Fang, by the way."

Serah turned the crossbow over in her hands a few times, reminding me so much of how Lightning handled her knife I still had in my satchel. The crystal glinted in the dusk's light as she looked down at me, setting the weapon down next to her. "You look exhausted," she pointed out, sounding as sad as her realization about me. Already I could tell she expressed her emotions in a way her sister rarely allowed herself to, at least with me. "Hope told me you and Vanille were in crystal stasis…he was supposed to find a way to get you two out of there safely, but I guess he doesn't have to anymore. I should go tell him…"

"I prayed my way out," I told her. She regarded me, asking me to continue with that look alone. "It's a lot to explain, Serah. The point is…I've learned that when you feel enough for someone, that the strength of your feelings alone could help pave the way for something so much more."

"I have time, Fang," she said. "You can tell me more if you want…I don't want you to feel pressured at all. You just…seem like you really need someone to talk to. I'm here, aren't I?"

Serah's openness reminded me of Vanille's, and it felt like home. At the risk of sounding like a total sap, I spoke to her. Like pouring water back down the well, I told her everything, everything—_everything._

—

_How can someone's beauty hold on so strong for so long? Even if the memory's faded over time; if I saw her years ago or yesterday, it didn't matter. Whatever anyone had to say about her: how she looked, how she held herself, how she chose to live her life, it didn't make a goddamned difference. _

_There were no others, no influence._

_I didn't fall into this _because _of something—because of her looks, because of anything! My anger, my torture drove me to become Ragnarok on my own. For how I __**feel**__ about this woman, I did this._

_I tried to renounce my love for her once, the love she didn't know about. I'd already decided she didn't need me. I deserved this. I wanted to protect her from myself through self-destruction. I destroyed Orphan on my own, without anyone's help. Yet my memories of everyone else: of Snow, Sazh, Hope, Vanille…Lightning…it all made Etro pity me. I didn't destroy Cocoon completely. Vanille, the closest to me out of all of us, turned to crystal with me, to bring me back from that place I shouldn't have gone._

_It took me a while to realize that Etro gave me so much. More than I ever asked for, than I ever realized. She made me see that I had the will to guide the world as I saw fit. From the strength in my heart, the strength that Lightning gave me whether she knew it or not, I bore the sin of Orphan's salvation. I didn't deliver the Divine as the fal'Cie asked. I didn't bring the Maker back like they wanted me to._

_What did I do instead?_

I started a whole bunch of other shit I didn't understand.

Monsters attacked the town right as night came, as a crystalline meteor crashed down in the distance. A young man appeared at the same time, helping everyone get rid of the monsters. NORA all recognized and remembered me, but there was no time to talk.

I used Kain's Lance to help out, without needing to think. My mind was someplace else.

After I poured my heart out to Serah, she did the one thing I didn't see coming. She actually…encouraged me to hold on, to not give up hope. She told me that this is what her sister meant, about searching for a way to make my dreams come true.

Every thrust of my lance, every step I took was with her words in mind. We cleared out the monsters in minutes.

"Fang!"

Gadot ran over to me, waving with the rest of the gang behind him. I grinned at them, feeling Lightning next to me, looking all unimpressed the way she did when I met NORA in Eden. Lebreau, Maqui and Yuj were with him…except—

"Where's Snow?" I blurted.

Serah clasped her hands behind her back, staring down at the sand. "He's not here," she said.

"Was that what you were about to tell me before…?" I gestured to the town getting themselves back together. Serah nodded. "Oh, shoot. I'm sorry. That was real rude of me."

"No, Fang, it's okay!" she said. The young man came back over to us. "Um, thank you—for helping with the monsters."

"No problem," he said. Gadot gave him the most suspicious look. "The name's Noel, by the way. Your sister, Lightning, sent me here with Fang."

That triggered a bunch of questions from NORA and Serah: where I was, where Noel came from and why we ended up in New Bodhum around the same time. NORA didn't stay long; they went off to patrol the area where the meteor fell and secure the town's borders.

As for Noel, I wasn't sure I bought his story. He walked with Serah and me to the meteor along the winding pathway, answering Serah's questions for the most part. To sum up, he followed me here on Lightning's orders so that me and Serah could help him defeat Caius. I still didn't know exactly why Caius was so terrible, besides for wanting to kill Etro and all. Serah cared most about getting to see her sister again—as did I. Noel had his own reasons for wanting to get to Caius, which he wouldn't tell us. So, just like that, the three of us were a team.

Noel was really cagey about himself. I only trusted him because he claimed Lightning did.

When we got to the meteor, Mog finally decided to come out of hiding. Serah's face brightened as she hugged him. As she did that, Noel touched the meteor. It turned into some kind of golden, shimmering gate.

"That's a Time Gate, kupo," Mog said, flying around the thing. He moved his head this way and that, studying the gate. I grinned at how cute he was. "This is an entrance to the Historia Crux—where all the timelines come together…"

"What's wrong, Mog?" asked Serah. "Do you see something that shouldn't be there?"

Mog nodded. "Time Gates can only be used by someone who has the right artefact to activate it, kupo," he said. "But it looks like you either already have the artefact…or you don't need one!" Then he started flying around me, sniffing at my hair. "I think it's you, kupo."

"Me?" I asked. "What about me? I ain't no artefact, if that's what you're gettin' at."

Noel put on what I guessed was his thinking face. "Artefacts are things of great sentimental value," he said. "The Time Gates only respond to something—or someone—with great emotional presence to open the way to the Historia Crux. You strike me as the passionate type, Fang. Maybe that's it."

Serah lit up. "Oh! She is," she said. "Fang really, really is." I gave her a look that told her to keep a lid over my reasons _why. _Serah smiled at me. "You prayed your way out of crystal stasis, so surely that gives you the ability to activate the gates all on your own. That's amazing."

"Sure it is," I said. "But what I wanna know is where exactly this thing'll take us. There's a lot I wanna do and see. The thing bringing us together besides Lightning is what Caius is up to. I need to know more, includin' how to stop him."

As I said the words, I believed them. Because, you know, I had to be logical at least _some _of the time. Lightning needed me to help her defeat Caius. Lightning needed me to help her. Lightning needed me.

_Lightning needed._


	3. Feral Link: Yaschas Massif 1X AF

_Aboard the _Palamecia_, after we found Sazh and Vanille again, Lightning and I sat down on the hull of the Primarch's cruiser. Sazh and Vanille were beat after getting out of their cell to find us. Hope used his spells to heal them up. Snow talked their ears off about Nautilus. Vanille smiled at me. A lot. I knew she was talking about me to Hope. Good thing I couldn't hear her over the wind in my ears._

_At this point, I was starting to catch on about my feelings. Whenever I slept, I saw streaks of pink in my dreams. I always dreamed about flying. _

_And the air in my dreams smelled as crisp as Lightning's after-battle sweat._

"_Light," I said. "You ever have dreams about bein' in the air? You know, just free-fallin' or flyin' or whatever?" Lightning didn't even look at me—just kept staring at the clouds not too far away. "Well, I do. I never used to before; not this much, at least."_

"_When did you start?"_

_I stared at her for a few seconds. "Just recently, actually," I told her. "When we were on Cid's ship on the way here… Every time I closed my eyes, I felt the wind blowin' in my hair. I felt alive, like I could do anything, you know?"_

_Lightning pursed her lips. "Why are you telling me this, Fang?" she asked._

"_It's a bit of conversation, is all," I said. "We both came and sat down here at the same time. Figured a little banter wouldn't hurt you none. If it is, I can keep a lid on it. Is that what you want me to do?"_

_Lightning shook her head. "Dreams aren't usually something people talk about when they barely know each other," she said. "If you want to get to know me, this isn't the way to do it."_

"_So let's start on the right foot this time," I offered. _

_I held out my hand to her. I bent my knees and crossed my legs, jiggling my foot a little in her direction. You know, to go with the pun. Lightning swatted all of that away. "That's not what I meant," she said._

"_Okay then, soldier, what _did _you mean?"_

_Lightning scowled, so deep it cut me all the way through. "Time," she said. "Time is what matters most to me, what moves me more than anyone's words are capable of."_

_I held my arms out, moving to lie down on the cold hull. "Time, she says," I echoed. "I can give you all this time I've gathered here in my arms!" I grinned up at her. She looked so confused. "I can fly around all of Cocoon and Gran Pulse, collectin' more and more time in my arms to give t'you when I return. Or I can take you with me and save us the trouble."_

_Lightning just shook her head again. "Whatever, Fang," she mumbled. _

_I could tell she really wanted to smile at me. "Light, c'mon," I tried. "No need to be so grumpy _all _the time. I know you need to find your sister again. I know you wanna save her from crystal stasis and all…"_

"_Smiling at you won't bring her back sooner."_

"_Bein' miserable all by your lonesome might kill you faster, though."_

"_Tch." Lightning tried to walk away from me. "You don't know what you're talking about."_

_I grabbed her ankle. "Says you!" She didn't even try to wriggle her way out of my grip. "You think I don't know what it's like? You think just because I'm chill around you that I ain't got nothin' pressin' on my mind and heart?"_

_Lightning let me guide her back over to me. I made the very good mistake of not moving my hand from her leg. In fact, I went so far as to rest it over her knee. The second I felt the smooth softness of her skin, my face burned so. Fucking. Much. No doubt the others were looking our way, wondering why I had my hand over Lightning's knee—getting closer to her thigh—with her reclining so regal-like next to me. _

_I swore to the skies in my head that she knew what she was doing to me. That relaxed, riveting look in her eyes. The ease, the command she held about herself. Since I'd just mentioned __**pressing**__, I thought she'd move my hand to press them against her breasts. Her lips. Either pair. Goddamn, my mind was all over the place and I didn't know how. I didn't expect her skin to be so…inviting in its coldness. Just as she was._

_Lightning fucking smiled at me then. _

"_Not anymore," she said. _

_I looked to the shifting clouds above our heads. I felt like I'd just died. And the goddess herself sat next to me, counting her advantages for every moment I went without saying anything._

—

Wandering through the Historia Crux again _without _Lightning having banished me there felt hollow. The first time, I felt summoned. I felt needed, important. The second time, I felt banished, but still necessary. It had all been so very _necessary._

This, it just felt like…nothing. Nothing moved me forward; nothing kept me from moving back. I could have gone anywhere. I could have done anything. This gold all around us glittered like the treasure earned through a continuous journey. We never reached the treasure; we never held the gold in our hands. It mocked us, that's what it did.

Serah smiled at me as she floated alongside me. She held Mog in her arms, listening to Noel think out loud as to where we might've been headed. I didn't know why, but something about him annoyed the hell out of me. I guessed it was how he kept trying to be all evasive, yet he still wanted us to trust him. He seemed nice and all. That was the problem. He acted nice, like it excused his shadiness or something.

People like him rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe Lightning knew it. Maybe that was why she sent him with me, to spite me.

"There's an exit!" he said. Noel started flying his way over to it. "Let's see where it leads. I can't guarantee it'll take us back to Valhalla where Lightning is."

"She don't want us goin' back there, anyway," I said to him. "Not yet, at least. Not 'til we bring her some news on how to stop Caius. We go back there now and she'll just send us off without a bloody hello."

Noel laughed. He fucking _laughed_. "You say that like it bothers you," he joked.

Serah gave him this look—this cringing, sympathetic look that told him he shouldn't joke about things like that. Noel didn't notice—he just kept his ignorant little eyes on me.

"Yeah, it bothers me, all right," I said without thinking. "Bothers me so much I might tear up the next person who points it out and makes me feel this miserable again." Noel's face fell. I gave him a sadistic grin. "That gonna be you, kid?"

Noel stammered and looked away. "N-No," he said. "No, Fang, I'm sorry. I didn't know you felt that way…"

We made it through the exit. I landed on grass in the middle of a familiar-looking valley. Some of the Paddrean ruins loomed overhead not too far away, a mass of tall stone against the sweet dusk surrounding it. I walked toward it, knowing where I was but not…_when _I was. There were these weird things everywhere shining light down the pathways even though the sun was still kind of out.

I remembered training here in the Yaschas Massif with the gang during our journey. The place didn't quite look like this. Lightning had gotten shoved against one of the rock walls by a behemoth. I'd never gotten scared for her before—not like that. I'd gutted the bastard while he had his back turned, of course. After I'd healed her up, Lightning tried to brush it off like it'd been nothing. I could tell she'd been distracted by something. The memory made me forget how bad I was supposed to feel, for being too honest—or whatever—with Noel. The poor kid had no idea what he was doing. Sure, he seemed harmless enough. I even admired how he knew enough about the Farseers, and Yeul, to teach Serah a thing or two in my mental absence.

I still didn't trust him.

"Many years ago, the Seeress Yeul predicted the destruction of Paddra," said Noel, as we came to something of a civilized area. There were ramps and scientist-looking people everywhere, like some kind of hub. "Some say her prediction itself was the catalyst for the civil war that eventually tore the nation apart. Everyone at the time thought it was supposed to be some kind of cataclysm. Turns out they did it themselves."

"Tell me somethin', Noel," I said over my shoulder. "Where you come from—was there a Yeul in your time? 'Cause I sure as hell don't remember there bein' one in mine."

"Uhh…yeah," he mumbled. "Yes, in 700 AF I knew the last Yeul. I'm the last of mankind. I'm here to find a way to make sure my present doesn't become everyone's future."

"But it's kinda like you said: when everyone heard the prediction, they brought it on themselves. Changin' history won't be as simple as tryin' to go against it."

"I agree," he said. "I'm positive there's a way to change the timeline to make it so the outcome I experienced is erased completely. I know Caius also has the power to change events, just like we want to do. It's what he's been doing—it's how this place still has sunlight. The original Yaschas Massif became an everlasting valley of night from an eclipse. It was a paradox, caused by Caius' intervention."

Serah asked, "Paradoxes are things that just aren't supposed to be, right? The eclipse and even our existence here in this time…"

"More like our existence, plain and simple, Serah," I said, waving to the familiar face not too far away.

"Hope!" Serah said, running over to greet him. "You look so much older! Goodness, when are we?"

"Hello Serah, Fang," said Hope, smiling at all of us. I grinned at him. "And Noel." Noel rubbed the back of his head, bowing a little in greeting. "I've been expecting all of you. Welcome, to the year 10 AF. Well, this is an alternative of 10 AF. Because of the alternative, technically the year is written as 1X AF."

We followed Hope to a lab inside of an open tent. A spherical object sat on the surface nearest to him.

"This is an Oracle Drive," said Hope. "My team and I have been able to use it to see small glimpses of both the past and the future. It's how I was able to know when you'd arrive. It's also been of great help to me in learning what Caius is up to."

"Caius, really?" asked Noel. "Do you know exactly what he's planning?"

"Unfortunately, I only know the basics. He plans to warp the timeline to his preference to kill Etro and make sure she stays dead. Across the timeline, he's set plans in motions for a mind-boggling number of ways to do this. One of them involves the natural falling of Cocoon over time."

The Oracle Drive showed us what happened when Cocoon would eventually fall: the destruction of New Bodhum, first, before sending a wave of momentum across Gran Pulse strong enough to kill millions.

"What's interesting about this natural disaster," Hope went on, "is that it's not exactly natural. About four hundred years from now, this is supposed to happen. But it's a paradox. This proves that Fang and Vanille aren't still in crystal stasis inside of Cocoon's pillar when it happens. If they were still inside, they would be able to sustain Cocoon's current state so long as their crystals stayed in-tact. Fang is obviously right here with us…but I haven't been able to locate Vanille throughout the timeline."

"Vanille?" I asked. "You mean to tell me she's not in crystal stasis anymore—now? Or not until the fall happens?"

Hope shook his head, frowning. "I'm not sure, Fang," he said. "I've sent a team to investigate the current state of the pillar. We haven't turned up much success." I hung my head. "I'm sorry. I wish I knew more."

"'S all right," I said. "If we find Vanille, we find her. I planned to be on the lookout anyway."

"Is there any way to stop Cocoon from falling?" asked Serah.

"I believe so," said Hope. "Fang's awakening from crystal stasis may be a paradox, but it's been very helpful. She's given the timeline more clarity. The Oracle Drive can tell me a little more than it could before her paradox began…"

Paradoxes, timelines, Oracle Drive, Cocoon—blah, blah, blah… Fuck if my attention didn't start to fail me. I did my best to stay on top of the conversation—I _really_ did. I paid attention for as long as I could. But this shit was just too much. Even Mog started floating around, looking bored. I kept listening, sure. I understood what Hope was saying and all of that. I just wanted to _go_, to do something!

"…and that brings me to the most important part," Hope finally said. "Because of Caius' interventions, Etro _will _die. That's inevitable. But that doesn't mean we can't see to it that the consequences aren't as severe."

The Oracle Drive showed us those consequences: an unstoppable flow of chaos throughout Gran Pulse. I didn't know why the hell that was so important to Caius, killing Etro. So the chaos was everywhere—so what? What did it matter?

"The chaos will consume every human being," said Noel, as if answering my thoughts. "The timeline will stop. Every era will merge; every person in history will be affected: warped and twisted by Etro's despair…"

"But there _is _a way to put a stopper over that chaos," said Hope. "The Oracle Drive can't show a demonstration. Hear me out instead. When Orphan wanted to bring the Maker back, it required the deaths of millions—all of Cocoon—for that to happen."

I folded my arms. "Yeah, and I became Ragnarok," I said. "Only I didn't destroy Cocoon at all… Etro stopped me twice. She won't be around to stop anything from happenin' this time."

"That's true, Fang," replied Hope. "But there is a way to stop the chaos from consuming the timeline—we have to find a way to block it."

So this was when we finally got our plans to take action. When paradoxes are solved, they leave the timeline they occupied and return to Valhalla. Lightning's been able to use the resolved paradoxes as an army, to keep Caius from defeating her. If she had enough paradoxes with her, she could stop the chaos from spreading. Right. So we had to go around solving a bunch of paradoxes—_specific paradoxes._

"Alternate realities," said Noel. "That makes sense. Each matrix of the Historia Crux leads to a number of variables for every possible outcome in the lives of each human being. There are infinite variables for each matrix. Those are all paradoxes. For example, Serah, if you never had a sister, that life you could have lived exists as a paradox somewhere in the timeline. We could go and solve that paradox."

"So we solve those paradoxes?" asked Serah. "But how are they paradoxes if they're living, breathing human beings? How do we send them to Valhalla?"

When Noel and Hope didn't have an answer, Mog stepped in. "It depends, kupo," he said. "You can only find the paradoxes of friends and family—people you have a strong bond with. If you take advantage of that bond and convince their souls to return to Valhalla, your plan will work, kupo. Depending on the timeline, the one paradox you solve could end up sending a lot of souls for Lightning to use, kupo."

"You can't murder them," said Hope. We all gave him the same morbid look. He looked sheepish. "Sorry. It's just—the souls of people and paradoxes alike who suffer _brutal, _horrific deaths aren't sent to Valhalla. I mean…you _could _kill them. But…only with their consent. Sort of."

Mog shook his head and went back to floating around. Serah put her hands on her hips. "Honestly, Hope, that was really unnecessary," she scolded. "It's a good thing we know that…but still. You could have worded yourself better. I don't want to think about killing an alternate version of myself, or Lightning."

_Me neither._

"So," said Noel, "All we have to do is go through these matrices to solve the paradoxes there, by convincing the alternate versions of the people we know to return to Valhalla. If we send enough souls along, it won't matter if Caius succeeds or not. We'll have an emergency backup solution in case he does. That sound about right?"

"Right," said Serah. "How we convince the paradox to goes back depends on their personality, I think. It has to be unique for each one… It's like how you and Fang convinced me to go with you to find Lightning."

"And how much is enough?" I asked. "Is there any way for us to tell?"

Mog sat on my head. "We return to Valhalla!" he said. "Lightning can tell us when we've sent enough. We can go back to check on our progress if we just follow the souls we send, kupo."

"I wish Lightning would've told us all of this," I said. "She must've known we'd come up with this. She told me to return there to see if I _made progress. _This is what she meant."

Serah smiled at me. "Hmm," she hummed. "I don't know, Fang. You shouldn't assume. When we solve the first paradox, we should go back and ask her."

She had a point. I should've known better than to think I had anything about Lightning figured out. I had a feeling I was going to get to know Lightning a lot better by getting to know her paradoxes… Funny. She did tell me that day on the _Palamecia_ that she valued time more than anything. Now look at me.

But what did all of this have to do with making my dreams come true? This was connected…but _how?_


	4. Professor Farron and Commander Farron

_By the time we landed in the Fifth Ark, I was completely frustrated with myself. I slaughtered any monsters in my way. I didn't stop to rest. I avoided Lightning, as if that would solve my problems. She acted like she didn't notice. So many times I thought about letting her take a few hits on purpose. I tempted myself with the possibility of letting her get _this _close to getting knocked out before healing her. _

_She knew I was pissed off. Maybe she didn't know why. She at least knew to not test me. _

_Vanille nudged me. "Fang?" she asked. "Everyone wants to stop to rest. Why are you still going?"_

"_Not here, Vanille," I said, seeing Lightning staring at me out of the corner of my eye. "Over here."_

"_What's going on?" she asked, once we were out of earshot from the others. "You've been acting strangely ever since we found each other again. Have I done something wrong?"_

"_Not you," I told her. We sat down against the cold wall. "Never you, Vanille. You could never upset me, so don't you worry none about that." I sighed. "It's Lightning. It's always Lightning. Always will be Lightning."_

_Vanille frowned. "Did the two of you get into a fight?" she asked._

_I scoffed. "No, nothin' like that," I said. "I like her, that's all. I'm just bein' stupid over her not givin' me enough attention. She does, just not…when I expect it." Vanille smiled in relief. "I dunno, it's rubbish. Nothin' neither of us should fret over."_

"_I thought it might have been something terrible," she said, still smiling. "If you just _like _her, well…that certainly isn't terrible at all! It's wonderful."_

"_Wonderful?!"_

_Vanille hummed in pure bliss. "It is!" she insisted. "It really, really is. Her sister Serah was so nice to me when we met. I'm sure Lightning is the same!"_

"_We're like sisters and we're hardly the same person," I pointed out. "It ain't fair to assume somethin' about Lightning 'cause her sister's a certain way. That right there is a mistake!"_

_I made the mistake of looking upset—dismayed, even, when Lightning did something yet again I didn't see coming: she strutted her sexy ass on over to me, interrupting my conversation with Vanille._

"_Vanille," she said, in that same flat tone of hers that meant she wasn't fucking around. "I need to speak with Fang. Alone. Do you mind?"_

_Vanille sprang up and skipped over to join the others. Lightning folded her arms and bent one knee, staring down at me sulking at myself. From what I knew of her, this was so out-of-character of Lightning, to do something like this. I pictured her as more of the type to brood and let people fawn over her without a word instead of actually torturing them with her straight-forward attitude. _

"_I don't appreciate you talking about me behind my back," she started. Oh, this was gonna be good! "If you have something to say about me, say it when I'm around. Don't gossip about me."_

"_Who says we were talkin' about you?" I asked, hardly caring about how pissed she was at me. "Vanille's practically my little sister. I tell her everything. We talk about whatever the hell we want when we're together. Even if we do happen to choose you to talk about, it's nothin' you oughtta be bothered by."_

"_I've memorized the way your lips move when you say my name. I think I can recognize it from the opposite side of the room. You could at least try to be more discreet."_

_Now, when Lightning went and said things like that, it sent my heart spinning. I looked up at her, adoringly so; her expression didn't change a tic. She kept standing there looking vindicated. _

"_So I'm busted," I said, holding my hands up. "You caught me red-handed. Woe is me. Am I to suffer your wrath now or later?"_

"_This isn't funny."_

"_I don't get why it's such a big deal. You're here with us. You're relevant. You're a mystery. If it's not me, if it's not Sazh and the others, someone's gonna talk about you. It's natural."_

"_I should be entitled to know the details of your conversation."_

_I didn't mean to lick my lips. She was so self-centered and I bet she didn't even know it. She admitted to it once. Still didn't mean she really knew the extent of it. Something about that turned me on. _

"_You __**should**__ be entitled," I offered. "But that ain't the case. We could be talking about how silly people with pink hair look or the way you hold your gunblade in a fight. It don't matter."_

_My whatever-attitude about her little problem just kept frustrating her by the second. I had no idea why. Was I supposed to just give into her demands, and be like, _oh, yeah, Lightning, I totally like you and Vanille thinks it's wonderful_. Ha! Yeah, right. If she'd been a PSICOM officer instead of a regular solider, maybe I'd have understood where her superiority complex came from. Maybe she was an officer in another life or something. _

"_Look, _Commander _Farron," I finally told her. "Whatever issue you have about me even sayin' your bloody name if I ain't right to your face needs to go. I ain't never wished harm on you. I don't think ill of you at all. If it ain't me, someone's gonna talk about you. That's the reality of things."_

"_I'm not making this about someone, or just anyone," she pointed out. "I said I don't appreciate __**you **__talking about me behind my back. Did you not hear me?"_

"_I heard you just fine, woman," I muttered. _

"_What was that?"_

_I was getting real tired of this shtick. _

"_Why me?" I blurted out. "Why am I the only person in the universe who can't mention you or think about you or _breathe_ about you without a direct order from you? What's the big fucking deal?"_

_Lightning got real quiet. She glared at me, like she thought she could intimidate me or something. I stood up and got right in her face. She was a little shorter than me. Her ire met my full height. It heated up there in her eyes, boiling the green-blue hue there so much that it popped and scalded me. _

"You're the only one that matters."

And then she grabbed my face and kissed me—hard—and…

_No. She didn't say or do any such thing. I wished._

"_Because I don't trust you," she said for real this time. My face fell. "You think you can act so chill and cheerful with all of us, like that excuses all the secrets you keep from me. I never doubt my intuition. You've been avoiding me and yet you say my name too much when you talk to Vanille. You're keeping something from me, Fang. Now tell me what it is."_

_I knew when to accept defeat, but this was not the time. I looked away, took a few steps back. Lightning took the same amount of steps forward. She eventually had me against the wall without touching me. I don't think she cared that everyone was watching. That right there dissolved those words, of trust._

_I glanced at her in earnest. "Why does it matter?" I asked. "Everyone's got secrets. Why am I supposed to be an open book to you? You're always the first to point out how we barely even know each other."_

"_Because it has to do with me," she hissed. "I'm not a fool and I won't be taken for one. Normally I'd let something like this slide, or I wouldn't even care enough to notice. Something's telling me to get answers out of you. So that's exactly what I'm doing."_

_My heart started pounding so hard, it got bigger from all the blood and nerves it soaked up; it took over my head. Everyone was watching. I could have run my hands along her hips, down to her thighs and she wouldn't have moved so long as it gave her the answer she wanted. I could have kissed her, risking her slamming me hard into this wall and backhanding me again. _

_Everyone was watching._

_Something about the tiny hints I'd picked up over the weeks of knowing her encouraged me to do this. I held her gaze and face with vulnerable eyes and hands. She relaxed a bit. Just a little, tiny bit. This was nothing like me, feeling this way: wanting Lightning to take me against this wall here and now with all of our voyeurs to see. _

_I told her this with my eyes, with my body language I'd softened just for her. _

"_You don't want an answer, Lightning," I told her. "I think you want an excuse to boss me around. I won't let you do that. Not the way you just tried."_

_Lightning sighed. I saw her name curled on her lips, from how she pursed them to form the F. She wouldn't say it. The moment lasted forever, until she sighed again and walked away from me. She told all of us to get up and get moving again. Like I didn't just pour my heart out to her in the most cryptic of ways. _

_I was right back to avoiding her after that. For different reasons this time: I didn't want her to smell me._

—

I thought about that memory as I went through the Historia Crux yet again, except this time I was alone. Because I had the power to activate the Time Gates by myself, we all thought it'd be best if we split up. By split up, that meant I went off to do my thing while Noel and Serah stuck with Mog for now. I didn't mind so much—Noel and Serah told me I was leagues ahead of them anyway. They'd just slow me down. Mog promised he'd hang out with me soon enough, just as long as Serah didn't need to use her weapon in a fight. I said I'd hold him to that.

I expected to land on solid ground, like I'd done each time I made it to a new Time Gate. I fell face first into a shallow body of water. A few people in the area turned to laugh at me, like I fell in there by accident and could've stopped myself. I jumped out of the water onto the marble floor, snarling at all of them to shut the fuck up.

Fuck me. It was a bunch of stupid little brats. They ran off and told their parents what I said. I could have taken them all on, but now wasn't the time. I made a run for it, past the dozens of advertisements and signs that said _Nautilus. _

I ran to the outskirts of a nighttime metropolis, lit by festive lights and made-up stars in the sky. I stopped to marvel at it all, take it all in. There were parades going on, vendors everywhere selling all kinds of chocobo and moogle plushies; crazy contraptions that went all the way to the sky in the distance; people _everywhere. _This place felt way too high-tech. It sure as hell must've been Nautilus, on Cocoon no less. Gran Pulse had nothing on this.

"You there! In the Pulsian outfit! Don't move!"

I rolled my eyes, tapping my foot as some PSICOM soldier came over to me. "What do you want?" I asked.

"It's against Nautilus regulations to walk around unlicensed," he said. "You're the one who caused the commotion in the entrance lobby. If you're walking around in that get-up, you can't be from here."

"Get-up?!" I spat. "This is a sari for the most practiced huntresses in the Yun clan! So what if I ain't from here? That don't give you the right to over-simplify shit."

"Look, ma'am, I'm sorry, but you need to come with me to HQ—"

"Don't call me ma'am, neither," I said. "But fine, whatever, I'll go."

So he took me to headquarters. I didn't have no forms of identification or whatever the hell they needed from me, so I had to get my picture taken. I filled out all these forms, using Lightning's old address from Bodhum. I remember she told me what it was, since I'd joked about sending her gifts for her birthday after we completed our Focus.

There were a bunch of soldiers and officers wandering around the place, doing absolutely nothing. Too many of them tried to come over and see what I was doing. They didn't look to see what I wrote, no. They kept asking the soldier who brought me here what I was doing there. They didn't seem suspicious of me or anything. I guessed this version of Cocoon didn't have the same feelings about Gran Pulse as the real one did. I didn't feel animosity from them, or hatred. They were just nosey as hell.

I left after I finished filling out all those damn papers, only to realize I had no idea where to go.

I made it to the entrance of a fancy hotel when I realized this. I looked in my satchel, finding a nice sum of gil there. Then I remembered how Lightning told me no one accepted real gil in Cocoon—it was all credit, or whatever she called it. Me and Vanille had stolen the cards from some poor saps when we first got to Bodhum…except Lightning made me give mine back to her.

I looked to the hotel, feeling real tired. The temptation to stay in a room there—I felt it hard. Only I had no idea how long I was due there for, if I'd ever find Lightning…

I resisted spending gil on a room. I wandered the streets instead. I paid attention to the shops and things, seeing people try to pay for stuff with actual gil. They couldn't—the places only took cards. The longer I stared at food, the hungrier I got. I needed to find something to eat, fast.

So I tried to leave, in case there was someplace nearby I could go hunting. A ferry left Nautilus to a place called the Sunleth Waterscape. I remembered Vanille telling me about that place. I asked the people who worked the ferries if I had to pay to get back in. They said no, so it was all good. I was on the ferry, on my way to the Waterscape. I couldn't find Lightning in that huge city on an empty stomach and drooping eyes.

It started to rain. People went to sit inside, where it was warm. I stayed there under the night sky, thinking back to the stories Vanille told me about the places she'd been in Cocoon. Lightning may not've been with me, but I felt her giving shape to those stories somehow.

She shaped my heart, dictated my actions. I made my way through the Sunleth Waterscape from the way I felt her presence in this timeline somewhere. I hunted and I set up camp—I cooked, ate and slept, all on my own, without her around to tell me when I had to stop. Without her to be there, looking grumpy and asking without words for me to come sit next to her by the fire. Without…so many things…

That was how I spent my days. I hunted first thing in the morning for a big breakfast, went back to Nautilus to search for her until I got tired and hungry again, then I returned to my new home. If Serah and Noel had been with me, they'd have definitely slowed me down. I enjoyed the pace I'd set for myself, even though I had no leads as to where Lightning could've been or even what she was doing there.

I never saw her on guard, patrolling, so she couldn't have been a soldier. I never saw her in the amusement park, in the suburbs, in the city, in the lobby…

I didn't give up. I felt her in this city. I couldn't give up.

But I kept wandering by that hotel. That temptation never left me. I kept having to walk by it to retrace my steps from the previous day, to remember where I'd been. This guy comes out of the sliding doors, walking over to me. He looked like he worked there.

"Excuse me!" he said, in this posh-sounding voice. "I can't help but notice you've passed by the building quite a lot…"

I blinked at him. "Yeah?" I asked. "So what? Is that a crime?"

"No, it could be a premonition to a crime."

"What?! What crime?"

He adjusted his too-tight necktie. "Nautilus has had to deal with a number of terrorist attacks since its construction," he said. "Our hotel has been targeted multiple times…and the offenders each made a point to pass by the building each day, to observe—"

I cut him off. "Now wait just one minute," I told him. "You think I'm a terrorist? Why, because of the clothes I have on? My weapon? I'll have you know I'm only lookin' for someone—it's harmless!"

"No, no!" He waved his hands. "Pardon me. I was simply answering your question, about the crime. However, if you are searching for someone, perhaps I can be of assistance?"

Oh. Well, that was real sweet of him. He took me inside, behind one of the counters to make a few phone calls. I apologized in between specifying who I was looking for. He didn't mind. I wasn't used to strangers on Cocoon being so nice. He called that HQ I was just at the other week, and they said they'd be able to help me find the _person. _

I never said it was Lightning Farron, or Claire. Just gave a physical description. She could've been the city's mayor for all I knew. Last thing I needed was for someone to arrest me for terrorism. I was too paranoid about it. I don't know—not mentioning her name seemed like a good idea at the time.

So the guy sent me on my way. I found my way back to PSICOM's HQ. As I entered, _Jihl Nabaat _opened the door and held it for me. It was kind of off-hand the way she did it, like she was only doing it to impress the company she was with. It took a hell of a lot for me to just walk inside and not give her a weird look. She kept on going without glancing back at me, like she didn't know who I was at all.

Yeah, I really was in a different time and place.

So the receptionist helps me out this time. After a few minutes, I got directed to the local university. I really didn't know why I didn't just do that in the first place. I had no idea it was even possible to keep records on people like that.

I entered the huge, bright building and found a directory on the wall. I saw the last name Farron next to an office number, so I went there. A bunch of students stared at me as I walked through the halls. I think they wanted to say something about Kain's Lance. None of them did. Other than that, something felt off. I should've been happy, even excited about finding Lightning again. Something wasn't adding up—I couldn't quite place what it was.

When I knocked on the slightly open door, I heard a too-soft voice tell me to come in.

"Serah?"

Serah turned around in her seat at her desk in a corner of the room. She stared at me, all confused.

"I'm…sorry?" she said. "Do I know you from somewhere…? Are you a new student?" She got a better look at my clothes. "No, you can't be…"

I expected telling her about Valhalla and Time Gates and whatnot probably wasn't going to go down well.

"Yeah, I do know you," I started. "Well, sort of…"

Serah held her necklace. It looked like the exact same engagement gift Snow gave her in the real timeline. She stood up. "Wait." She closed the door, standing with her back against it. "This is…so strange," she went on, still holding the necklace. "What is your name? I feel like I know you."

I didn't see the point in making up some bullshit story. "Fang," I said. "I'm actually lookin' for your sister, L… Claire."

Serah's eyes widened. "You know Lightning's real name?" she asked. "Then you must know us, somehow… I was just telling her this morning about a dream I had. You were in it, and you were searching for us. Yes, it was definitely about you!"

She had me sit down on the nearby couch. She asked me if I wanted coffee—whatever the hell that was—and I said no. Serah sat down across from me, told me all about her dream. She said that she'd gone to bed angry after Lightning hung up the phone on her—that her sister had been having some problems. In the dream, I came out of nowhere and helped her sister get to where she belonged.

I was glad I found Serah first instead of Lightning. She was so trusting with me, talking like we'd known each other all this time. Even though the time was different, her personality stayed the same.

It sounded like Lightning's did, too.

"It's been such a nightmare trying to get through to her," she said, sighing. "I'm really scared for her, Fang. You couldn't have come at a better time. I told her I'd go check up on her after I left work. Now's about that time."

"To be honest with you, I'm not too sure how I can help. You've been so nice to me—everyone here has. You haven't asked how I got here or what my plans are. I feel like Lightning would; she wouldn't trust me the way you do."

"It's okay! I think she just needs to see you. Everything might click for her like it did for me when she does."

—

Simple. Clean. White, with some crystal. Order. Organization. No dust, nothing out of place. The counters shined. I could see myself in the walls.

Commander Lightning Farron stared at me with eyes thicker than death as I stood in her home.

"I told you it wasn't a joke, Claire," said Serah, scolding a little. Lightning barely let us walk in the door. "Fang isn't a ghost! She's real. You have a problem, I know you do. If you won't talk to me, at least let her try to help."

Lightning turned on her heel and walked off. Serah followed after her, complaining about her being rude. That all-black uniform Lightning had on—the long spikes on her shoulder guards, the crease in her jacket and pants…too sexy. I did my best not to stare.

Lightning didn't say a word to me. Serah kept arguing that I could help, that I could listen. The longer I _listened, _the more abnormal everything felt. I could hear the strain in Lightning's lungs and throat as she breathed—as she kept standing by her sink gripping her glass of water with her back to us. I could feel the tug in her eyes as they widened to accommodate the tears she refused to let fall. I tasted the blood in her mouth as she bit down on the inside of her cheek to keep from screaming.

When she turned around, when she looked me in the eye—she saw the extent of my empathy.

She looked to her sister. "Serah," she said. "I know this is important to you. You say I have a problem. And yet you can't point it out. I'd appreciate it if you stopped accusing me of having one. This ghost you've brought with you won't suddenly make me admit to anything."

"Won't you at least talk to her?" she tried. Serah started walking to the living room. "I'm going to leave you two alone for a few minutes. I'm not crazy, Claire. This is serious. Just give Fang a chance and you'll see you can't keep hiding this forever."

Serah left the room. After weeks of half-assed plans as to how to talk to Lightning when I found her, I felt sort of prepared for this. Prepared enough.

"Lightning," I said, taking a few steps forward. "I know this may sound weird, but I've really missed you. I've missed seein' you… You may not remember me. No, I know you don't. That don't stop me from carin' about you, you know. If you've got somethin' on your mind, I'm all ears."

Lightning kept staring at me.

She did this for a long time, until she finally told Serah to go home. Lightning tried to play something off, saying she'd talk to me and see what the fuss was all about—on the condition that Serah left us alone. Serah looked a little worried for me as she went.

As Lightning took her time closing the door with that same glass of water in her hand, I stood behind her.

"If you told you sister to leave," I started, "Does that mean you're gonna let me in? Do you really trust a _ghost_? Or are you just humoring me?"

Lightning shattered the glass in her grip. Wet shards glittering with water and blood fell to the floor. Every single one of those shards reflected the shock in my face.

"I know exactly what you are, Fang."

She took off her jacket, set it on a hook by the door. The sleeveless top she wore showed off her shoulders with jagged skin from healing scars.

"Ever since I saw you at PSICOM's headquarters, filling out the documents, I knew what you were. I've been watching you for longer than you think."

Lightning walked toward me, face hard with the control she knew she had over me.

"You make me do this," she whispered over my face, using the tips of her bloody fingers to caress my jaw. "All these years of feeling like a nobody, a placeholder…I can finally see reality—here—in your eyes."

Lightning tilted her head to one side, pushing me back through the living room one fucked up moment at a time.

"I've searched for it. Waited for it. I've been waiting for you."

"Waiting for me?" I asked. She had me back into a bedroom. _Her _bedroom. "If that was the case, why did you tell your sister all of that? Why did you—"

"Fang," she said, silencing me. "Do you know what it's like, to go for _years _seeing everyone around you act a certain way?" Lightning pushed me down on the bed, over her white sheets and white pillows. "You wonder how it is they have the motivation to do those things… If they're right and you're wrong."

Lightning pressed her hand over my chest. She stared down with lidded eyes at my heart she could feel thumping like mad under her touch. She straddled my hips; moved her hands over my breasts.

"Sort of," I breathed. She leaned down, over me, to breathe against my neck. I saw white for a split second. I arched my back, moaning—that high pitch shuddered in my loss of control. "Light… Lightning, wait, what are—what are you doing…?"

Lightning kissed my neck, licking the steaming skin there. "You taste…so real to me," she murmured. She smirked when I shook and clamped my hands around her shoulders. "I want to go where you came from. Reality. I want to drown there. Trying to live in this falseness…it's not working…"

She drowned out reality for _me _when she slid my sari from my shoulders. Lightning touched me with such a soft command, a completeness in the way her hands gripped me. Her everything _fit _me: the palm of her hand around my shoulder; her hips in between my legs; her words in my ears. She moved against me, clawing through me to find what she searched for. Heat; she kissed me. Wetness; she licked me. Friction; she gyrated against me.

I wanted to give in—I wanted. I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't. This wasn't real. This wasn't the real Lightning. I kept repeating that to myself in my head, no matter how _real _her nails felt digging into my thighs.

After so long of keeping it together, or her order, this one tried to fuck me for her own satisfaction. I refused to be taken advantage of—that didn't make me push her away. I let her touch me, but I wouldn't do more. I _let _her, NO—she tried to rape me and I fucking **loved** it.

Lightning felt my resistance. She used more force, more power. I felt my body bend and bend to keep from breaking from her touch. She pushed her anger through me, trying to push it inside of me. I wouldn't let her.

All at once, she stopped everything. I caught my breath, feeling streaks of her blood over my face and clothes. Lightning reached behind my back to pull Kain's Lance from underneath me.

"The Maker loves me, this I know," she recited in a deadened voice, "For the Sanctum tells me so. Little ones to Him belong. They are weak but He is strong…"

"…Lightning?"

She smiled at me. I wanted to tell her I loved her, that she'd be okay; that it didn't matter if this world and its rules and religion weren't real, despite whatever influence they had on everyone else…

"I'll see you soon, Fang."

Lightning stabbed herself through her heart. She fell sideways on top of me, bleeding through on me and to the sheets underneath me. My own heart clenched, suffocating itself. I let out a scream of absolute anger that distorted everything around me. I yanked Kain's Lance from her back, fucking _screaming—_

My rage took me back to the Historia Crux; the Time Gate closed itself, permanently; I was sent somewhere beyond my control. I gripped my head, shut my eyes and mouth; kept from screaming at the gods and fal'Cie for all of this…


	5. The Hero and the Promise

_All-consuming, confusing terrors kept me awake through the nights on Gran Pulse. I sat awake at the fire each time we set up camp, staring into the flames for hours. Whenever I tried to sleep, I dreamed of Lightning dying in my arms over and over again. It kept happening, as if it truly was going to happen one day, like it had to happen. During the day, I fought my hardest to protect her, never switching from the tank role if I could help it. _

_I know she didn't need protecting. She could take care of herself. Didn't stop me from trying, from caring. _

_I didn't expect Snow to come sit next to me that night. _

"_Can't sleep, huh?" he asked. I shrugged. "What's eating you? You look pretty down…"_

_I waved a hand in front of my face. "It's nothin'," I said. "Just dreams keepin' me up. It's been so long, I think I've got insomnia now. I can't be bothered tryin' to fight it."_

"_Same here. I keep having these dreams about getting so close to holding Serah in my arms…except she just…disappears. Gone, just like that."_

_That conversation I had with Lightning about not gossiping about her kept my mouth shut._

"_It's not real, though," Snow went on. "I know Serah's waiting for me. I have to keep going. And when I do find her, she won't disappear. I have to believe that. I'd probably lose it if I didn't."_

"_Yeah, that's true," I offered. "Good on you, for stayin' strong. Dreams can really mess with your head if you let 'em."_

"_What about you, Fang?" he asked. "What've you been dreaming about?"_

_He sounded so sincere. The thought of lying to him or dismissing him made me feel terrible. I told him the truth instead._

"_The person that I keep dreaming about…she don't want me talkin' about her when she ain't around."_

_Snow got the hint right away. "Oh…I see," he said. "Well, that's a tough one. Normally it would've taken me a few tries to guess who you meant. From how you worded yourself, it makes sense."_

_I prayed that he was dense enough to not fully understand what I meant. I may not have said her name, but I might as well have. I felt like shit all over again. All Snow wanted to do was lend an ear, as a friend. Now I couldn't stop picturing Lightning getting pissed with me for not doing as she said. Then again, who was I to follow her every order? This was tearing me up inside. If Snow of all people could see that, it must've been bad._

_Luckily, he didn't press the issue. He eventually went back to sleep. The next morning, he made sure to smile at me and give me a thumbs-up. I smirked and did the same. Vanille noticed and bugged me straightaway for details. _

_I had a feeling Lightning noticed._

_The next night, I stayed up by myself yet again. I poked the fire with a twig, absent-minded. Maybe half an hour passed before I heard footsteps behind me. I thought it might've been Snow again, but the steps sounded too light. _

_Lightning sat down next to me this time. I paused mid-poke with my twig. I held my breath. _

"_You haven't slept in over a week," she noted. "You're getting lazy in battle, always sticking to the same thing instead of listening to my orders to switch. What's the problem?"_

_I kept on with poking the fire again. "Funny of you to choose tonight to give me a pep-talk," I pointed out. "Did you feel your ears ticklin' last night when I sort of mentioned you to Snow—without sayin' your name, I might add? Or are you really concerned about me?"_

_Lightning snatched the twig from my hand, throwing it away somewhere. I didn't have the energy to look angry about it._

"_I like protectin' you, Light," I admitted. "'S why I don't change. You don't need protectin', yeah, I know. I like makin' sure you don't get too banged up in a fight." I chanced looking her in the eye, watching the flame's colors blaze over her heart-shaped face. "I don't want you gettin' any bad scars that won't heal in a jiffy. You're too pretty for that."_

_Lightning looked away, before I could see if I'd made her blush or not. I hoped I did. I didn't mind if she didn't want me to see. It was kinda cute that she didn't._

"_I'll be fine, Fang," she ground out, turning her head to at least look at the fire and not me. "I don't need you looking out for me like that. From now on, when I give the order, you change without a second thought. Is that clear?"_

"_Crystal," I said. I expected her to leave, now that she'd finished bossing me around again. "You gonna go back to sleep now? Or was there somethin' more you wanted to chat about?"_

_The longer Lightning kept sitting next to me without a word, without answering my questions, the more I wanted to kiss her. Instead, I decided to say what I wanted to tell Snow last night. Lightning was here. It wasn't gossiping if I told this to her face._

_Before I could open my mouth, Lightning spoke again: "I don't understand you."_

"_What don't you understand?" I asked. "I'm right here, Light. You don't get somethin', just ask."_

_Lightning shook her head. "It's not something I can just ask you about," she said, sounding irritated. "You spend so much time making the others think there's nothing wrong with you. Whether you're laughing during a fight or off on your own gathering food for us, I can tell."_

_I held in a sigh of content. She _noticed _me. Whether she wanted to or not, she did. I smiled so much._

"_That makes me so happy," I said without thinking. Lightning stared at me with a blank face. "I can't even tell you how much that means to me."_

"_So there is something," she went on. _

_I shrugged. "I'm real emotional," I told her. "You can feel that. I keep it inside, to not bother no one with it. I know it's a lot for someone else to handle. I won't burden you with it."_

"_It's not a burden if I'm asking you to tell me."_

_I could've told her everything then; had her reject me and get it over with. _

"_For everything I've been through, the things I've seen," I started, "I ain't never been prepared for nothin' like this. I have a few dreams about you dyin' and suddenly I feel the world beneath me crumble. I'd rather never sleep again. If you ever do die, that'll be the last breath you take from me…"_

_Lightning didn't stay quiet for as long as I thought she would've. "I'm not going anywhere, Fang," she told me, sounding a lot softer than I expected her to. "You don't need to be so protective of me. I can't die, not until we find a way to get rid of these brands. And even after we do, I don't plan on dying any time soon." She paused. "I want you to try sleeping again. Tonight."_

_I smiled at her again. "If you say so, I will."_

_I didn't have any more nightmares after that. Instead, I had constant dreams that made streams run in between my legs every night. Lightning was always so suave, so gentle with me. She was feminine; so understanding and attentive during foreplay. The way she kissed me, touched me, held me told me she loved me—deeply. She always, always kissed me on my neck for a long time, whispering to me about the things she wanted to do to me or wanted me to do to her. _

_Everything was so…perfect…_

—

I appeared back in Valhalla, on my knees before Etro's throne as I kept holding everything—_everything _inside. Lightning stood before me; she spoke to me, sounding as mechanical as she did before. It pissed me off!

"Welcome back, Fang," she said. "Serah and Noel still haven't solved the paradox of the time they wound up in. Whenever they do, they'll return here. I'm very impressed with the number of souls you managed to send—"

"Oh, knock it off, Light!" I shouted, standing up in my rage. "Enough of this bullshit! Do you _know _what I had to witness just to solve one fucking paradox? No, forget that—the paradox solved itself! You _knew _that was gonna happen, didn't you?!"

Lightning just stared at me for a moment. I heaved for breath so hard, trying my damndest not to yell at her more than I had to.

"I'm right here," she said, like it was no big deal. I wanted to _scream_ again! "It's good that you found a commander first. She can help me keep track of everything."

"Are you that thick?!" I asked. "Do you not get it? She used my own goddamned weapon to kill herself! No warning, no hints—and right before that, she recited some Sanctum religious bullshit, like it was the Maker who wanted all of this to happen!"

"She believed the Maker created her for revenge," said Lightning. "Revenge against those of mankind who take their flesh for granted. She had no true feelings. No emotions. Those around her lived normal lives; felt normal feelings. She was the only one who didn't. She knew better. When she saw reality in your eyes, she did everything she could to be a part of it. That was the only way to escape her fate."

"By killing herself?!"

Lightning nodded. "Wouldn't you kill yourself if it meant experiencing a higher meaning?" she asked. "A higher meaning you always thought to be possible, but one you couldn't achieve on your own. Especially when those around you take advantage of your literal stoicism to make you a tool of war."

I sighed. "Fine, fine," I relented. "I get what you mean. I just—you know, I didn't want to see that. I couldn't handle it. For too long, it felt like she was really you…"

Lightning held me. I relaxed in her arms, sighing again as I held her back. I was being stupid. I tried to pull away. She wouldn't let me; she held me tighter. Some commotion started overhead, but Lightning didn't move. The souls I brought back turned to monsters, fighting off whatever had caused the noise.

"Light, _please,_" I begged, breathing in her heavenly scent. "Let me stay here with you. Serah and Noel can go collect more souls. If Caius comes back and you gotta fight him, fine, I'll be on my way. 'Til then, I want to be here with you. I don't want to leave you again, not after what I just saw."

"Not yet, Fang," she said. "I managed to find someone who wants to see you. By the time you return, Serah and Noel should be back. They might need your help."

At least I tried. "Yeah, all right," I said. When we finally pulled away, Lightning smiled at me—melting me. "Tell me where to go, and I'll head over there."

—

_Oerba._

It looked the same as it did when I came here with Lightning and the others. I didn't have much time to take in the sights—someone approached me, giving me a thumbs-up.

"Hey there!" said Snow, looking a little funny without that thing on his head. "Glad you could make it! I'm glad sis passed on the message to you!"

"Snow?" I asked. He gestured for me to follow him, so I did. "Fancy findin' you here… Last I heard from Serah and NORA, you took off somewhere."

"I wanted to find Lightning, to bring her back to Serah for the wedding. I sure did find her, only she said she needed my help before we could go back to our time."

Snow told me all about his time travels. He spent ages getting lost in the Historia Crux before he found Lightning in Valhalla. He sounded so cheerful, talking about his adventures. Almost made me forget what I'd just seen not too long ago. I wasn't interested in forgetting. I wanted more time to talk to Lightning, to tell her all that I felt whether she already knew it or not. To show her…make her feel it…

I lost my train of thought when Snow stopped in front of a crystallized figure.

_Vanille._

"_It's so good to see you again, Fang," _I heard Vanille's voice say in my heart. I stared at her, devastated. _"Don't be so sad…you should be happy! I'm here with you. You're here again. I couldn't be happier! Cheer up, silly."_

"Vanille…no…this ain't right." I shook my head. "You're not supposed to be in there. You're supposed to be here, right here with me! It ain't fair…"

"_Don't worry about what's fair and what isn't. No matter what, I'll always be here when you need me. You're not the one who ran away from your Focus. You stayed true to your goals, your duties. And now you're doing the same thing again, with Lightning. You deserve this—the chance to make all your dreams come true at last."_

"Of course, you know what my dreams are…"

"_So does Snow."_

Snow grinned at me. "Yeah," he said, "I think I knew for a while, ever since we talked that night by the fire. I didn't really understand it until I found Vanille here. I've been helping out ever since! Solving all those paradoxes of Lightning really helped me get to know her better."

"_Keep solving the paradoxes, Fang. The more you solve, the more Lightning will see how much you care about her. As you do, you'll help relieve her burdens. She'll be happier; she'll appreciate you so much more. You can do it."_

"They're not all the same," said Snow. "You'd be surprised how different she can be in those alternate realities. Don't focus so much on the actions of one."

"Makes sense," I said. They were right. I couldn't stay hung up on what Commander Farron did. I had to move on and keep going. "I promise the two of you I won't give up. I really appreciate all of this…" I looked to Vanille, frowning a little. "Just wish you could come with me."

"_I'll be right here whenever you need me again. The real Lightning isn't going anywhere, either. I promise. We're all here for you."_

"You'd better head on back, Fang," said Snow. "Serah and Noel have probably made it back to Valhalla by now. I'd love to go with you, but I've got some unfinished business in another time. I'll see the two of you again soon."

I said my goodbyes to both of them, and went back to Valhalla. I had a renewed spirit—a full heart for the first time in ages. No matter what, I'd keep going. I'd see this through to the end.


End file.
